Life Changes and Human Nature

I have believed for the last several years that people, in their nature do not change. This can be frustrating for those who want to help, or otherwise change the people around them - particularly the people they love. I have believed that we need to accept the ones that we love for who they are, trying to change them is an exercise in frustration and disappointment, and ultimately anger. And this includes ourselves - we are who we are and we can't really change that. It's why habits are so hard to break - habits are part of, or at least indicative of, our nature and character as human beings. We might want to be different, but we can't ultimately change ourselves. For instance, I wish I was a true leader - that I could be decisive. But that's not in my character - what I also perceive as a strength: a tendency to analyze, give all ideas a hearing, to seek understanding - all these get in the way of my ability to make decisions, particularly about how to handle things in the moment - but I'm a great Monday morning quarterback - or would be if I followed football more closely.

Anyway, a liar will always be a liar. The true will be true. A cheater will cheat. The lazy will be lazy and the disorganized will be disorganized. But while I still think this is true, it ignores the fact that people do change.

I think I've finally figured out how to reconcile these contradictory ideas. My thesis is people are creatures of habit - it is human nature. And what it takes is life crisis to really change. The heart-attack that finally convinces somebody to eat better. The lung cancer that convinces someone to quit smoking. The marriage that ends and convinces the alcoholic to quit drinking. I'll also postulate that the change in character isn't always so positive - the lost job can create an impetus to strike out on one's own and become an entrepreneur, or it can lead to one sinking into addiction. But we need a crisis to create change in our lives. I suppose perhaps all the "pointless" struggle until the crisis comes is not so pointless - perhaps it just lays the groundwork so that the crisis can provoke the kind of change that one desires.